It hits you like a wave you didn’t see coming—another pregnancy announcement. A glowing photo. A growing bump. A birth announcement. A caption filled with joy. And while part of you is genuinely happy for them, another part aches so deeply in a way that’s hard to explain. This is one aspect of the emotional struggles when trying to conceive that no one warns you about.
If you’re looking for fertility support, look to my article on what fertility habits helped me conceive after loss.
Why It Hurts So Much
If you’re anything like me, the grief comes in layers. You feel jealousy during TTC, but also guilt for feeling that way. You’re mourning what hasn’t happened yet (or the loss you’ve experienced) while trying to keep hope alive. It’s not that you’re not happy for your friend or family member when they announce their pregnancy — it’s that you’re sad for you and your journey. This is where infertility and your friendships can clash painfully. Suddenly, relationships feel harder to navigate. Honoring your feelings and being a supportive friend or family member at the same time can be difficult.
Social Media: The Comparison Trap
Social media was awful for me when we were trying to conceive. One scroll on Instagram and it can feel like everyone is pregnant but you. Baby bumps, gender reveals, and nursery tours. Each post is a reminder of what you’re still waiting for. And the emotional struggles when trying to conceive are amplified in the digital age. Know this: it’s okay to mute or unfollow. Your mental health matters! Limiting exposure doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you’re caring for yourself. Comparison during trying to conceive is normal, but it doesn’t have to rule your experience. I took a four month break from social media after our miscarriage and it was the best thing I had done for myself in a long time.
Pregnancy Announcements from Friends & Family
When someone close shares their news, it stings even more. You’re more expected to congratulate, and you’ll probably be more involved in their journey than if it was a stranger on the internet. You want to be supportive, but pregnancy announcements and infertility are a tough combination. Give yourself permission to take space. If you can’t attend the baby shower, it’s okay. If you need to respond with a simple “Congratulations” and log off, that’s okay too. Your heart matters and they should respect, if not understand, you wanting your space.
If you’re actively working on your fertility health, I invite you to read my article on 9 Daily Habits to Boost Fertility Naturally.
Nurturing Your Mental and Emotional Health
These moments require active emotional care. Working with a therapist helped me name what I was feeling. So did connecting with and seeing other women facing similar journeys. Surprisingly, not a lot of people talk about infertility or loss! Trying to conceive and mental health go hand-in-hand, and you don’t have to carry it all alone. Whether through a therapist, support group, or online forum, sharing your truth can help lighten the load.
On the other hand, there were times when not sharing felt like I was protecting my peace. Especially when we first experienced loss, it was hard to talk about and I wanted to think about anything other than what we just went through. Taking time to process and not sharing is okay, too. As long as it’s helping you and not hurting you.
Reconnecting with Your Partner
All these feelings can create distance between you and your partner if you don’t talk about them. It’s easy to slip into silent grief, but reconnecting matters. Share how infertility and emotional health are showing up for you both. Make space for check-ins that aren’t just about ovulation or test results. Whether it’s a date night or just laughing over takeout, hold onto each other. Find your way back to your normal, or your new normal with new ways to connect outside of anything related to fertility. Being there for each other will be one of your biggest support systems throughout the entire journey, no matter what it looks like.
Focusing on Your Own Journey
Everyone’s story looks different. Some conceive quickly and some wait years. Some pursue IVF or IUI and others choose adoption or surrogacy. I’ve even known a couple fully commit to not having kids after years of trying and diving into buying a sports car and getting breast augmentation surgery. One of the hardest but most freeing lessons during TTC is learning that your path doesn’t need to match anyone else’s.
What I can say is celebrate the small wins: your first normal cycle, improved egg quality, showing up for yourself. The emotional struggles when trying to conceive become more manageable when you shift focus to what you can control.
When to Seek Professional Help
Needing extra support is not a weakness. If you’re crying daily, avoiding everyone, or feeling lost in your own thoughts, it’s time to talk to someone. Therapy helped me unravel the emotions I couldn’t name alone. A therapist or counselor who specializes in fertility support for women, grief, or life transitions can offer validation and practical tools to cope. Your pain is real and you don’t have to carry it in silence.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone!
You may feel like you’re the last one to the party, but you’re not forgotten. So many women are walking quietly beside you through this. The emotional struggles when trying to conceive are real, but they don’t define you. You’re strong for holding hope, even in the face of uncertainty. If you’re looking for tools to support your journey, check out my Fertility Habit Tracker Freebie for the habits I implemented after miscarriage that I’d like to believe helped me conceive Oliver.
You’re allowed to feel joy, sadness, and hope all at the same time. You’re doing better than you think 🤎